A near lustrum has lapsed since I have clocked in the 'ol odometer of my 'The Cartharsis' series where I pay tribute to the totally terrif tin lizzies of Tinseltown and for this installment that is precisely what the objective will be ; you know - those certain juddering jalopies and ludicrous lemons that find their way on the televisual thoroughfares and streets of the silver screen. And yes mangled, weatherbeaten and rusted may they be, these carsores are still in need of a little affection and while admittedly they are the kinds of automobile that you may want to wait until after dusk has officially fallen to have a zip around in, they still may just find the way into that ticker of yours.
Pictured above is the fictional 1928 Porter that was kustomized by our good friend George Barris for select stunt scenes on ABC's fantastical television series of 1965, My Mother the Car which starred and was a vehicle for Dick's little brother, Jerry Van Dyke who played Dave Crabtree the proud owner of the car/mother reincarnate. Now the Porter car for all the petrol heads that are reading this, did indeed exist but for this series, merely a mock-up machine that consisted of a 1924 Ford T-tub hot rod that originally strutted its stuff for 1960's Beauty and the Robot which starred Mamie Van Doren.
And oy vey iz mir, look at the Columbo car on top, it was a mystery mobile alright and I will say this was photographed on one of its shinier,happier days. It was only just hosed down and turtle-waxed you know. This car despite all of its apparent shortcomings was no bit part in the Columbo series, much like that messy mackintosh we all know so well, this Peugeot 403 gets next billing. It was undoubtedly a necessary evil to cast it, and was one delectable red herring when it came to foiling them felons. And who would ever have thunk it - that the good lieutenant had a planet brain while he went a' moseying on downtown in that second, I mean third, I mean tenth-hand motor.
And Lieutenant Columbo wasn't the only copper cruising in a chagoogler. The heap o'hot mess that you see pictured atop was the ride of choice for fellow force member Tony Baretta (Robert Blake). And much in the vein of the Starsky & Hutch-mobile, the 1975 Ford Torino that was sometimes lovingly addressed as 'the striped tomato', Baretta's auto happened to be referred to as 'the blue ghost.' And after a right good scrubbing, one would discover once past it's shmutzig veneer that there is actually a '66 Chevy Impala under there. You can't really fault Tony to be fair - there is a damn good reason that he is in possession of this junk hunk, he is on a police officer's salary end of the day - and you can take that to the bank (well sort of.)
And the proverbial minute born sucker Henry Palfrey (Ian Carmichael) in 1960's Ealingesque comedy School For Scoundrels made it all too easy for the Dorchester brothers to offload this 1924 'Swiftmobile.' which was a true lesson in futility as the intention of purchasing this 'darling' was for Palfrey to compete with nemesis and lovable lothario Terry-Thomas' flash 'lil number. Palfrey does eventually turn those tables 360 with a little thanks to his graduating top of the class from the institute called The School of Lifesmanship and with all the chutzpah he can muster proceeds to charm the salesman who sold him this into purchasing the vehicle back themselves, a successful bamboozle as they totally believe the car value appreciated after a mere tune-up. (The car falls apart almost instantly). Where was the Kelly blue book when you really needed it, eh?
And here for your viewing pleasure - a 1950's jalopy stock car race.